If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
