i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
