oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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