break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
