FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
