She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
