you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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