if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
