That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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