did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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