no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
