Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
