I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
