Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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