Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
