i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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