I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
