I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
