Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
