If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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