dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
