i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
