just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
