I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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