New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
