I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
