cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
