I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
