This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
