next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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