Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
