so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
