there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
