You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
