new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
