So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
