people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
