Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
