You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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