apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
