i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
