i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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