I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
