so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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