I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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