K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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