And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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