I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
