the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
