i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
