I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
